Sad

     I feel really sad.  I've been reading this book called Hard Love.  It makes me think of somethings that I guess that have happen recently.  It reminds me of people that I care about.  It reminds me of how I felt when the character were going through something similar...(some things that I have experienced before).

     I want to be hold.  I want to be comforted.  I want someone to tell me that everything is all right.

     I know I'm being stupid.  But that is how I feel.

     I can't quite say what is the source of my sadness...I guess it is a collection of things that have been happening.

     But I need to be strong.  I need to be supportive for someone else who is already sad enough.  If I am sad, how am I suppose to help him?

     I want to cry again.   I've already cried here in the school.

     Sometimes I wonder if I cover up too much or something.    It always seem like people can't tell how I feel except a few.  And at that moment I'm ok so I shrug it off saying that I'm fine.

     Why am I like this?  Is it because I'm fasting?  Is it because it is just the way I am?  Or is it the book?  Or is me remembering things?  Is it me just being stupid?

     What is wrong with me?

     I get the feeling that I might wake up the next day and wonder why I wrote all of this.  That I will call myself for being stupid and making things a big deal when it is not so bad.

     How is it that at a particular moment I can feel so sad and have these negative emotions when I know sooner or later I'll be happy.

     Seems like I have been crying a bit recently.  But I also have some good times thrown in to.  I want to stop feeling like this.  I really do.

     I'm starting to feel a little better by writing all this out...I don't think people actually read what I'm typing, but that is ok.  Feels somewhat good knowing that someone someday might read this when I am like thirty.  And then if they ask me about it I might just laugh and say I just wasn't really feeling good and that everything is ok now.

     Actually I really do feel better now.  I need to finish reading that book.  Very easy reading but brings powerful emotions, ya know?

     I'm gonna get goin.  Update my other blog and then start reading again.

     I'm going to do my best at making every moment count.  And make those sad ones not last so long.  I'm going to focus on the times that I am happy.  Like this Tuesday, I went out to my friends house, and after one of my friends who were there (well live there) finished their test with their classmate (who I think is pretty cool. :) ), we went out to the EMU campus to star gaze.  I loved it so much.  I've always wanted to do that with friends.  Just lie down on the ground and look at the stars.  And I got to know my friends better too.  :)  And even though I haven't really slept the night before that and I was starting to talk crazy like I normally do when I have no sleep, it was so much fun.  I told Jenna I wanted to do that again.  We might do it on Saturday.  But I was watching the news yesterday and it said how is was going to rain Friday and Saturday morning.  I hope we can still go and the rain stops like at lunch time.

     I bought a new laptop from Jeremiah. :)  Compared to my other one it is so much better!  I'm excited and happy about it.  Thank you Jeremiah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Anyway, I should really get going now.

     Later. :)

     P.S.  Feels good to write somewhere else besides my journal.  This place allows me to feel like I'm screaming to world about how I feel without literally screaming. :)